Halifax adverts are shit

 Am I not a man? Cut me, do I not bleed…?  et cetera.

 Yes, I am a man. And, yes, if you cut me, I do bleed. (Please don’t cut me.)

I like to imagine myself as a rational, thinking, person living in the world today. Maybe I’m not quite an ‘everyman’ figure – after all, I’m English, and at no point during the World Cup, did I:

  1. Cover my motor with flags.
  2. Cover myself in a XXL replica Rooney T-shirt
  3. Care about the football.

But, even still, I did absorb enough football details to be able to chat competently to a barber and a taxi driver during the period – and, therefore, not leave myself open to hideously uncomfortable silences.

However, despite the lengths I go to in order to assimilate (or at least avoid awkwardness), I am still utterly bemused by current swathe of scurrilous Halifax adverts. 

Is there something clever going on with them that I’m just not getting?

There must be surely. Because otherwise they’ve spent their budget by getting actors to make out that they:

  1. Work for Halifax
  2. Are moonlighting at a work-based radio station.
  3. Are twats.

In the first of these that I came across, the audience was presented with two presenters (clearly actors; the male one had recently appeared in an episode of Doctor Who), both wearing Halifax ‘costume’. He talks earnestly about Halifax ISAs, whilst his female co-host (of what must be the dullest radio show ever) says ‘ISA, ISA baby’ and plays Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice. After a moment of apparent pique, the male presenter then laughs.

That’s it…

Clearly the nation were clamouring to find out what happens next in this crazy bank-based radio station. And so a follow-up advert was commissioned. 

But, as is so often the case with sequels, the script of the second was markedly inferior.

In the new advert, we’re back to Bank FM (I was going to put Halifax FM, but I fear there may actually be one); and we’re back with two new actors in ‘costume’. This time it’s two ladies – one at the mixing desk, another at a microphone. The one at the microphone reads a bulletin about Halifax products, whilst unselfconsciously ‘digging’ the chorus of Lucky You by the Lightening Seeds (an unlikely contingency). Then, some backroom goon hands her a coffee mug – and the handle breaks. Both actors piss themselves. And that’s it.

What does any of it mean? 

Is it because I never seem to have any money in my bank account that I’m not getting the joke? Maybe this is the sort of thing people who don’t spend their days worrying about their finances – and, therefore, have the opportunity to care about ISAs – find funny. Or maybe it’s the sort of thing ‘ad men’ (and ‘ad women’) think is representative of their customers?

If it’s the latter, thank Christ, I’m not in that demographic. I’ll take poverty any day.

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~ by wordwrites on July 7, 2010.

16 Responses to “Halifax adverts are shit”

  1. These adverts are shit beyond words. They ensure that I will never do any business with the Halifax ever. They demonstrate a complete lack of professionalism by the Halifax. They also insult my intelligence on every level.

  2. Yes, Steve. Your points are well made.

    But spare a thought for the actors!

    Where else would these people find work? No where. That’s where.

  3. Apart from Doctor Who of course….

  4. Luckily (for whom I’m not sure) they’ve learnt from the first ad that you need to plug a mixer in to make it work. Sadly, they still don’t know which side of a microphone to speak into. Twats.

  5. They’ve made another one! It’s like they don’t care about my feelings at all…

    Ignore the awful – apparently comedic – pratfalling of the besuited gentleman pretending to steal his friend’s car keys and then ‘drive away’ on a wheely chair and listen to the actual product information.

    “Can I open a Halifax current account?” (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
    “For just a pound?” (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
    “Can I take out my money?” (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
    “What? Whenever I want?” (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

    It’s a current account. Of course you can. It’s your money.

    Moreover, the ‘funny man’ in this advert has an unsettling whiff of Estate Agent about him. A truly horrible face. Who is doing the casting here?

  6. I quite fancy the Isa Isa Baby woman though – is that wrong? I already know it is.

  7. Ahh mate.

    Its the “lucky you” part of this advert. Its so incredibly offensive. “you bailed us out…. and now we will milk you, oh lucky you”.

    I hope everyone involved in that campaign dies.

  8. A bit harsh.

    I believe the sound man had a kid on the way. That’s the only reason he was involved.

    But, otherwise, yes.

  9. I watch the BBC; that way I can avoid these and other adverts; paeticularly the fat twat singing ‘GO COMPARE’

  10. I would rather watch 24 hours of the Go Compare guy than watch another fucking halifax advert words cannot express how much i hate them i hope whoever allowed this on television opens their kinder egg and gets AIDS

  11. Well, so much for the gentler sex…

  12. Isn’t it clear that the ads are shitfull of wankers because…

    1. they were put together by an ad agency populated by talentless twats and…

    2. Halifax as a company are complete and utter fuckwits. Anyone who has recently tried to negotiate their half arsed attempt at online banking will know they don’t have the faintest fucking idea what their users want. If they did they wouldn’t give you the Spanish fucking inquisition each time you try and log on, then tell you that for security purposes they’re going to have to post you your fucking password! Get with the fucking programme you bunch of cock suckers and pay for some fucking website testing with all the profit you make from your piss taking charges!

  13. It’s okay I just think Halifax like taking the p155.

  14. I dont think I have ever seen anything more annoying in my entire life, they make me want to kill – and I’m generally quite placid.

    What makes me almost as mad is the fact that the jerk off ad agency responsible for it will be sat with smug looks on their smug faces spouting the old chestnut that ‘no publicity is bad publicity’ etc etc – well Ive got news for you you smug twats, I will never ever ever use the halifax for anything ever – oh lucky me.

  15. Well, that all seems in order…

    Thanks, Elski.

  16. The, ooh lucky you ad. When she drops the cup of tea, i know its wrong but, i wish it would burn her – Burn her til you can actually smell pork coming out of the telly.

    Yours,
    Seamus

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